Hello from the State of Denial

Maybe it's because it's winter. Maybe it's because I'm lazy. Maybe it's because everything feels like such an effort. Whatever the reason (or rationale), I'm stuck in neutral. I haven't gained any weight nor have I lost any.

I had committed to turning in the paperwork for the water aerobics classes at Dekalb Medical on Tuesday. Then I realized that my membership starts the day I turn in the paperwork so I should be ready to take a class that day. Otherwise, I'd be wasting money. Since we're in a recession, I need to save every penny. (Now is where you do as I did - pretend that you don't know that the first week is free.) Okay, so I decided I would go to the class Wednesday morning. Oops, my niece needed me to baby-sit so Wednesday was out. What about Thursday? Wasn't it raining yesterday? So, the truth is that I never signed up for the wellness center membership. The paperwork is still on the front seat of my car.

So, here is what I promise you (and myself) that I will do today;

1. Go the 4:00 class at the wellness center today.
2. Plan my meals for the coming week.
3. Buy myself flowers to help my home feel more like spring.

Clouding Our Vision

Yesterday morning I thought about all the heartaches that come with just being human. Right now someone is burying a loved one, someone is losing a job, someone is asking for a divorce, someone just failed a test, someone didn't make the team, someone is giving up. With so much pain and hurt emanating into the air, how can any rays of sunshine and hope peek through? And yet, they do peek through whenever we laugh, smile or pray for another person.

For today, I am asking myself what am I doing to add more sunshine to my life and the lives of others. What kind word can I say to myself? What smile can I share with someone else?

What about you? What is the emotional forecast in your world? What clouds are distorting your view?

Intentional vs Incidental

Honestly, any health benefits that I achieve right now will be incidental rather than intentional. I was doing okay until I hurt my knee. The pain kept me from walking. So, exercise was scratched off my list. Then I was too tired one night to add any thoughts to my journal. So, my evening journaling got more and more lax. Then, one day I woke up too late to do my morning meditation. So now my meditation has become haphazard. If I don't stick to a structured routine, I lose my discipline. I convince myself that it will be okay "this one time." The truth is I'm just lying to myself. I know better. I know I need to take concrete steps every day toward my physical, emotional and spiritual health.

My knee is feeling better enough so that I can take a water aerobics class so today I will go sign up for the class at Dekalb Medical. Here are my other public commitments for this day:

1. Watch my portion sizes. Those extra bites count!
2. Journal.
3. Meditate 15 minutes.
4. Tell the truth.

What about you? Are you living a life where your physical, emotional and spiritual health is intentional rather than incidental?

The Curious Case for Curiosity

In his inaugural speech, President Obama (how I do love to say those two words!) pointed out that curiosity is integral to America's success. Random House defines curiosity as the "desire to learn or know about anything."

How can a sense of curiosity help me in my quest for spiritual, emotional, and physical health? By giving me the confidence to go outside my comfort zone in seeking help and resources. By first admitting that I don't know all the reasons I prefer a bowl of ice cream and Oreos rather than a balanced meal. Sometimes I begin eating without even realizing I'm eating. I continue eating without even acknowledging whether I'm full. When this happens, I'm surely not eating to satisfy physical hunger. So, what is it then?

Also, curiosity can help me reach out to a more diverse set of people. Working on the Obama campaign introduced me to people I never would have met otherwise. Now that the campaign is over, it's up to me to keep those relationships going. When I live and work and socialize with people who basically think the same way I do, life becomes an echo chamber. When I step outside of this chamber with a sense of curiosity rather than obligation or even resignation, I can meet people where they are - not where I think they should be. This attitude is helping me realize that Lillie Love is not the sole arbiter of what is right and wrong in the world. I don't have to fixate on what is wrong with someone else to keep me from looking at my own mess. I don't have to make food the stand-in for what is lacking in my own life.

I'm curious about you. What are you doing to keep a sense of curiosity alive in your life? How can curiosity about yourself, your motivations, and your challenges help you mend a bit of your brokenness?

The Sorrow of Tomorrow

My favorite day of the week is tomorrow. My favorite day to start a new habit is tomorrow. My favorite day to end an old habit is tomorrow. My favorite day to deal with an inconvenient truth is tomorrow.

Right now is a time to take it easy, fore go any long-range planning, and just be happy. Tomorrow is the time to buckle down, get myself together, and get serious about my goals.

For this day, my favorite day is today. The time to schedule my long-delayed doctors' appointments is today. The time to stick to my eating plan is today. The time to tell the truth to myself about my tendency to put off difficult, uninteresting or unpleasant tasks is today.

What about you? What has been on your tomorrow calendar too long?

Happy "US" Day!!

Okay, it's official. It's January 20th. In exactly 12 hours Barack Obama will be sworn in as the 44th president of these United States.

I've been teary and excited and humbled and happy and.... well, you get the message.

Obama's victory is really our victory - all of US. It reminds us that no matter the odds at the outset, we can still end up wearing the crown of victory. Yes we can be healthy spiritually, emotionally and physically. Yes we can change. Yes we can keep going. Yes we can stay committed to our goals. Yes we can stumble and yes we will succeed.

For today, say yes to your soul's vision of yourself. Also, let us remember to say a prayer of thanks for the Ancestors who must be rejoicing today.

Happy US day, y'all! Yessssss!

Patterns

Did you take Home Ec in high school? I did and had the worst time trying to cut out a hot pant set from a pattern. We had a fashion show where we wore our creations and that was the shabbiest bolero jacket and hot pants ever created. I immediately trashed them once the show was over.

Life has patterns also. I just recognized one of my longstanding ones last night. I'm trashing it just as I trashed those hot pants over 30 years ago. The beauty of being 51 is that I can see clearly what once was a foggy picture.

What about you? Are there any patterns in your life that need trashing? What is one thing you will start doing today to have a better outcome?

Just One of those Days

Have you ever had one of those blah days where you felt uninspired, unattractive, and untalented? Well, I'm having one of those "un" days. I can't decide whether I should fight against these feelings or just let myself feel them.

What about you? How do you survive your "un" days?

Remembering to Breathe

Alberta started classes this morning. I left a good luck note on the door reminding her to breathe throughout the day.

That's good advice for us all. When life appears scary or overwhelming, focus on taking one breath at a time.

What about you? What's frightening or displeasing you today? How will you handle it in a way that calms and soothes your soul?

Willing and Able

Sometimes just being willing to change is the victory. If we pray for the willingness, the ability will come.

Today what are you willing to do differently?

Alberta and I have our menus planned for the coming week. Today I am willing to eat what is on the menu for this day. No deviations.

Priorities

I've been wondering what are my real priorities. Not those things I think should be priorities but my priorities as reflected by the choices I make. Too often, my priority is determined by what I feel like doing at any given moment. I haven't been to the grocery store in ages because "I don't feel like it." So, my meals are random.

For today, I'm asking myself how each choice I make reflects what's really important to me. If being healthy (emotionally, spiritually, physically) is my priority, how do my actions support (or block) that goal?

What about you? What's really important to you? How does your life reflect your priorities?

Today I commit to:

1. Telling the truth
2. Walking 20 minutes
3. Planning my meals for the coming week
4. Shopping for groceries

The Power of Public Commitments

Yesterday I was exhausted. Entertaining two six-month-olds all day is hard work. Last night I simply wanted to go to bed. However, I had publicly stated I would exercise for 20 minutes yesterday. So, last night I stepped into my sneakers at 10:12 pm and took a 20-minute walk. Alberta coaxed and coached me along.

Letting myself down would have cost me too much. So, I walked, even though my lower back was screaming.

How about you? What are you doing right now to be your own best friend? How are you keeping your word to yourself?

Today I will exercise for 20 minutes, meditate for 15 minutes, journal, and say "no" to sweets.

What's Eating Me that Makes Me Keep Eating?

This morning (at 4:15) as I fed my 6-month-old great nephew, I watched his little face as he enthusiastically sucked on his bottle. I stroked the little hairs around his temple and kissed him gently. As I held him close, I felt only love.

I wonder if our earliest eating experiences are memory-stamped in our beings. If so, it's no wonder that we associate food and eating with love and intimacy.

Today I'm asking myself what I'm really hungry for. Rather than a chocolate chip cookie, I suspect I'm really hungry for love and emotional intimacy. As you know, that's not carried at Publix so today I'm exploring ways to make me full that don't include a fork or spoon.

I'll keep you posted.

By the way, I kept all my commitments yesterday. I will make those same commitments today.

What about you? What are you really hungry for?

Another Perspective

We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not overweight, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!

h/t Donna

It's Monday and It's Raining

But I'm all "sunshiney" because we're in this together!

I was thinking about personal commitments and resolutions for 2009 when I realized I've got to do this one day at a time. There is no way I can honestly say I will not eat one dessert in 2009 or that I will journal and meditate every day.

So, this is what I commit to do today:

1. Meditate for 15 minutes (spiritual health)
2. No sweets (physical health)
3. 20 minutes of exercise (physical health)
4. Tell the truth (emotional health)

What about you? What will you commit to do just for today?

Okay, Here We Go!

First, happy 2009!!

I've created this blog to help all of us work toward spiritual, emotional, and physical health. Also, this gives me public accountability for the choices I make in my life. My first commitment is to tell you the truth - about what I'm eating, how much I'm exercising, and how much attention I'm paying to my spiritual life. This is not an attempt to get perfect - I just want to be a better Lillie Love.

I'm hoping that you will join me in this online (ad)venture. I need your help. I need your honesty. I need your love. I need you to let me help you as well.

What will all this look like? I dunno. Let's just run on and see what the end is gonna be.