One Breath at a Time (or Disengage Autopilot)

Last night as I watched the season finale of "Lost," I found myself breathing rapidly during commercials. That's when I realized I had been so engrossed during the show that I stopped breathing. I wasn't even aware that I had been holding my breath.

I wonder how often I do this during my life. Are there times where I don't even bother to breathe? Are there times when I let my choices (and ultimately my life) just go on autopilot? Yes and yes.

For today, I am willing to be conscious throughout my day. I will be present within each conversation I have. I will not peer ahead or look behind. I will stay in the present.

What about you? How can you live your life in the present tense today? How can you remember to breathe?

Silent Spring

Yes, I realize it's been over a month since I last posted. Thanks for calling or e-mailing to ask if I'm okay. Yes, I am okay. I've just been silently watching myself for the past few weeks. I have reached the following conclusion:

I need the distraction of my struggles with weight to keep me from noticing that I do not have a plan for living the rest of my life. As long as I stay mired in the day-to-day internal argument about what, when, and how much to eat, I don't have to realize that I'm just living from day to day. I have no overarching plan beyond notions of being happy and honest in the moment.

So, what now? I'm thinking of what I'd like my life to look like and then coming up with a plan for how to get there. What about you? What's your mid-life plan?

It's ironic that I started this blog to help me get healthier. I should have known my real problem was never about food. As we learned in the cycle of need, eating is the behavior, not the underlying need.